He is an equal opportunity slut.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
