so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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