I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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