i need an iv and a liver transplant
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
