I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
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