i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize