i barfeds in our rink
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
