Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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