i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
