he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
