As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
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