I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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