I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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