Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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