The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
