By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
