I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Mom said you looked used
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
