can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
