This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
