my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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