we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
