Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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