There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
