so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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