That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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