so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
