Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
