Is it normal to miss your booty call?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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