I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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