I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize