im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
