First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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