I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
