This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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