He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize