My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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