You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize