did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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