grandma shit on top of the toilet
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize