please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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