One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
