Fine. I'll sleep in my office
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
