I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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