I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm gonna fight the coyote
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
