she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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