did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
