You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
