why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
