sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
