Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize