How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
