mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
