Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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