K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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