I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I am one with the molecules
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
