WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
