Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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