You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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