so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
