he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
