I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
