if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize