I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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