Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
