we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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